dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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