sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
