You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
