I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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