He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
