So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
