everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
