if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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