Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A+ Viking dick
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My life is pants optional.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
