You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
