Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
