I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
