1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
