Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
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I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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