i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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