I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
