Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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