Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You are the jesus of drinking
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
