the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
