I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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