I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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