Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize