Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize