Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
