remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
