Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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