you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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