so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
