marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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