He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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