onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
