So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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