so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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