Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
