Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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