Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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