This house was built for laser tag.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
