Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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