i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
