I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
