someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Randomize
