No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
