You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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