yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
