video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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