wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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