id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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