hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize