Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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