Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
