just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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