Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize