Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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