listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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