i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize