I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
