new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
