so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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