Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
