you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
