VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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